Stop Self-Sabotage – Summary

It often happens that at the beginning of a new year, we make a promise to ourselves to change something in our lives, but soon our habits take over, and the goal is forgotten. We keep setting the same objectives again and again, convinced that "this time will be different." However, instead of sticking to healthy habits or financial plans, we fall back into unhealthy eating, impulsive spending, or procrastination.

The root cause is self-sabotage — subconscious patterns of thinking that prevent us from achieving what we want.

Dr. Judy Ho offers a six-step method to identify, stop, and replace destructive mental and behavioral patterns. Below are the key steps of this approach and practical exercises to master them.

Step 1: Listen to Your Thoughts

The first step is to recognize the types of thoughts that act as triggers for self-sabotage. There are six types of problematic thinking:

• Overgeneralization/Catastrophizing: Drawing sweeping conclusions from a minor event (e.g., if someone doesn’t respond to a message, assuming they are upset).
• “Should” Thinking: Expecting everything to go according to strict rules.
• Black-and-White Thinking: Seeing things only in extremes.
• Mind Reading: Assuming you know what others are thinking or feeling.
• Discounting the Positive: Undervaluing your achievements or good qualities.
• Personalization: Comparing yourself to others and evaluating your worth through their lens.

Exercise:
Divide your 24 waking hours into four equal intervals. Set a reminder for each interval and write down what you're thinking at that moment. Then analyze your notes and match them to the types of thinking listed above. This will help you identify recurring patterns that hold you back.

Step 2: Stop Triggering Thoughts

Example:
Alice received a delayed reply to a message from her boyfriend and immediately suspected infidelity, bombarding him with questions. This led to conflict and the eventual breakup of the relationship.
To change this kind of scenario, it’s essential to pause right after the triggering event and consciously redirect your thinking.

Technique – “De-emphasizing”:

• Reframe your thought: “I am experiencing the thought that…”
• Add: “I notice that I’m having the thought that…”

This approach creates distance between you and your initial negative thoughts, helping you focus on what you can control — your actions.

Step 3: Change Old Habits

Dr. Ho introduces the ABC method, where:

• A (Antecedents) – Events or circumstances preceding the action
• B (Behaviors) – The behavior itself
• C (Consequences) – The results that follow

Example:
Janie kept putting off her work in favor of minor tasks. Despite the negative consequences (doing tasks at the last minute and poor quality), she justified her behavior.
Break down your cycle:

• What events trigger unwanted behavior?
• What satisfaction does it provide?
• What are the consequences?

Then create a list of ways to change the situation — for example, eliminate distractions (remove tempting items from your environment) or reframe your attitude toward criticism.